Guilt Ridden Grown Up

The older you get, the more baggage you seem to collect to add to your collection of should have, must have, could have and would have.

Don't get me wrong. I'm not talking about the Sophie Kinsella type situations (though I swear to you I don't read Kinsella. Bleuch)

I'm talking about how being an adult and moving on often puts you in precarious positions if you stop to think about it sometimes.

As Eid Mubarak approaches, I can't help but think of all the things I would have been doing if and when I was younger.

If I was younger and still living with my parents, I would be spring cleaning the house right about now. Helping my mom roll up the old carpets, spread out the new ones. Perch on a high stool to wipe off the dust of the fan fins. Bring out the superpowered Rainbow vacuum and suck out all of last year's mess in the living room. Back then I hated it, right now I miss it. And also feel guilty for not being there to do it.

If I was younger and still gallivant with my buddies day in and night outs, I would be out at some stall somewhere, chugging coffee flavoured sugar liquids at the mamak stall, talking shit and trying to come home just about 5:30 am before Imsak. Though it was tiring and often mundane, right now I miss it. And also feel guilty for not having the time to call and hang out.

If I was younger and still a bachelor, I would be thumbing away on my mobile wishing every prospect on my list festive greetings in hopes of getting someone somewhere a reply to acknowledge my existence so that I can feel good about myself and feel less lonely. Back then I yearned it, right now I dont miss it at all.

Instead, I'm lying in bed next to my beautiful pregnant (sleeping) wife and my unborn daughter, waiting to drift into sleepiness so I can hug them both to sleep.

And maybe tomorrow I'll vacuum our own house and wipe our fan fins.

And maybe tomorrow I'll hang out with both of them till 5:30 am before Imsak.

Life comes and pulls you forward. It's always good to look in the rearview mirror at times to remember what's important. But you have to always keep your eyes on the road to get to where you're going. And not get hit by an SUV, if you're lucky.

Happy driving!