Old Is Gold

To all you old fogeys in your 30s out there, when you flip through your old photo albums, have you ever wondered how you ever survived your childhood, teenage years, college and 20s?

If you’re lucky enough, some of the horrible ensemble you wore back in those days are making a comeback just about now and you’ll be thinking to yourself “Hah! Been there done that. You young ‘uns are lucky that back in my day we thought of that first”

But 99% of the time, your “rad”ensemble rarely made the comeback list and you sigh a prayer of relief that social media was not invented at that time. Because what dwells in those dusty photo albums should never, ever see the light of day, ever.

As Malaysia is always uniquely defining themselves at every corner of every fashion revolution that comes to our shores, here are some significant fashion faux pas that we never want to ever be reminded of, again :

1.  Fluorescent shorts. Whether you’re at the beach, playing tennis, or queuing up at the nasi lemak stall. You were green, orange, yellow. And so was everybody else.

2. Shoulder pads. Your girlfriend dances to Rick Astley and shoulder pops from side to side. You get turned on because she looks like a hot female commander from the Death Star

3. Hypercolor T-shirts. Changes color via thermal fibre technology. And everyone knows your man boobs sweat something fierce. You end up looking like someone spilled Clorox over you.

4. The Chicano look. Buttoned all the way up to the collar in a checked shirt, wandering around Lot 10 and Sungei Wang. You were a gangbanger on the mean streets of Kuala Lumpur. But still had to take the pink bas mini home. 

5. The GQ look. Baggy, print shirts. Slacks in horrible shades of brown, purple and maroon. Buckled belts. Shiny leather shoes. Middle parting hair. Just describing it makes me cringe.

6. Mom Jeans. It’s hard to imagine that back in the day, our babes used to rock mommy jeans, where the waist was actually at the waist. And, the t shirts were tucked in.

7. Denim dungarees. Bad enough there were mom jeans around, on special occasions, our fair maidens were also new jack swinging to denim dungarees.

8.  Snowcaps. To complete our ghetto ensemble. But in this weather, complete with rambut bau hapak and soaked with your peluh and dandruff. Nice.

9. Boy London caps. Why, oh why, did we have to have a steel plat embedded on our caps, on our heads. And who the hell was Boy London???

10. Windbreakers. Mind you, it was hard getting cool Nike or Reeboks in Malaysia. So we had to settle for Forest, Antioni or Schwarzenbach. But we still felt like Tupac. Straight out of Compton. Which in KL speak was actually Salem Power Station in Lot 10.

So will these ever make a comeback? I highly doubt it. But if they do, at least it justifies our age group finally getting to show off and acknowledge our past with pride. But so far, the fashion cycle has crept up to recycle as far as the 60s and 70s fashion trends with skinny jeans and slim cuts. Hopefully by the time we’re in our 50s the cycle will finally reach the dreaded 80s and 90s. And by that time, the bragging rights will rightfully be ours, my friends.

And when that time comes, I hope it will never be a combination of fluorescent mommy jeans. God save us all.

Eat-rotica

Malaysians love our food. So much so that we declare international warfare on rights to the Chilli Crab as well as Penang Laksa’s rightful throne on the top 10 list.

We love food so much that we compile them from lands far away, Malaysianise them and serve them 24 hours a day. Whether it’s roti canai, dim sum or nasi padang, Malaysians have made it accessible to everyone at any time of day. ‘Cause that’s how we roll, homie.

It helps that we’re a melting pot of cultures oozing with flavors. There’s always a reason, and there’s always enough time set aside to makan.

But lately food has started to annoy me. Not food per se, but food channels. Suddenly everyone’s a connoisseur. Simple pot luck events now turn into Iron Chef Battle Stadium where people around you start scrutinising how Jamie or Nigella would’ve done a better job than Auntie Sally on that lasagne dish she just brought.

And has anyone actually noticed that the License To Grill guy only has white friends?

Food channels are a conundrum in itself, confusing me to choose between eating more healthily with leaner cuisines, or whack that steak recipe from Tyler’s Ultimate. One day I’m out buying fresh organic vegetables and the next day I’m loading four cheese mix onto my home made enchilada.

And don’t even get me started on amateur foodography. But perhaps there really are some of us out there who really gives a toss about what his friends and family are having for dinner on Monday night.

Once upon a time ago, food was as good as the love and commitment put into it. A dash of pretentiousness and a sprinkle of superficiality was not required to make it any more tastier than it originally was. Maybe that’s why Nasi Lemak Antarabangsa never made it as a swanky franchise.

But you gotta love how Malaysians are also doing the opposite on things though. The art of Malaysianising are making foreign foods gerai-worthy.  Like how your local burger bakar tastes much better than Old Timer at Chilli’s, or how Melawati Kebabs can run circles on Hadramawt. And who can ever dispute the burger daging special cheese when it comes to Malaysianising the West at its best.

It never amazes me on how we manage to take something and enable it to fit snugly into our uniquely ironic Malaysian culture, and we have never stopped doing it from generations before, and hopefully for generations to come.

But in the meantime, please steer clear of the dismal performances of our amateur chefs on Masterchef Malaysia in my opinion. Aunty Sally will be very offended. Because they got nothin’ on her secret mee kari recipe. ‘nuff said.