My Oscar Acceptance Speech

If my life was a major motion picture, and it won an Oscar, what would my acceptance speech sound like? Maybe...

"Oh my God. I mean, 'whoa!'...this is outrageous. Right. First of, I'd like to tell you all about the wonderful journey that has been the making of this extraordinary film.

It all started sometime in July '78, where the idea of this story was probably conceived by 2 brilliant people, the legendary Mr. Sufian and the ever graceful Mrs. Mardiana. The concept was a no-brainer to decide on. Within a few minutes of negotiation, the team went straight into pre-production.

All it took was 9 months before the full development of the lead character's role was born. I remember the day of shooting for the first scene in a hospital location in Pudu. Though the producer was toiling away for several hours getting the scene to come out right, the director came on set a little late, and the first take was already done. And that was the beginning of thousands of brilliant cinematography work which took nearly 30 years in the making.

I'd like to thank Mrs. Jacob of Tinkerbell for the wonderful coaching on how to read the alphabets on the script, and learning to tell the time. The impromptu "hot cross buns" performance also helped to sharpen my skills as the lead role for the upcoming scenes.

A big thank you to Ms. Jayem for the piano lessons that gave me just enough skills to memorize Fur Elise, and use it as a cheesy tool to tickle the ivories whenever the opportunity struck within the confines of a piano/keyboard and a chick. Apologies for dropping out at Grade 3 and shifting over to the drums.

The highly engaging scene at the Ulu Kelang regional ping-pong tournament could not have been choreographed as immaculately as it did without the coaching of Encik Nasa, the ping-pong coach. Although my character had to lose to the flying chinese super twins (villains) from Rawang, it was one of the highlights of the film, especially when we were forced to wear the ever colorful girl's netball team jerseys for lack of funds.

A wonderful thank you to Encik Abdullah, for conceiving his daughter, which played the lead role of the love interest in the primary school scenes, and for then leaving the country with his daughter in tow so that my character could venture on to other pastures at the age of 13.

The High School scenes

The cast and crew at MYPM was a fantastic bunch to work with for 2 years, and special thanks goes to Encik Ismail Muzir, Aton, Ramli Jawi, the wardens Encik Razak and Ustaz Md Nor for whipping my character's ass into shape. To those playing the senior roles, my heartfelt thank you for kicking me in the ass when the situation required for it to be, you sons a bitches! Couldnt have made it through adulthood if you didn't. I'm also very sorry for throwing stones at Mr. Muzir's kids as they played in the backyard of the warden's old quarters of the old dorm.

When we changed location to Melawati (after being evicted off set from MYPM due to ridiculous reasons), the new production and cast went straight to work in progressing the newer scenes. The casino scene with Shahan and Anwar Mata at his apartment, the porn sessions at Usop's house, sleepovers in the tents at padang H and basketball at Aneil's, smoking up at Afat's stairwell, the scenes shot every weekend at Salem Power Station at Lot 10 were definitely memorable moments in filmmaking.

Special thanks goes out to the costume department at Jun Saito and Cardin House in Sungai Wang for the best designs in costume history. From the 20" bawah and lipat atas designs were definitely in-season styles for those scenes. And sorry for not agreeing with you guys on the "poket belakang Batman" designs.

The LimKokWing scenes

And who could forget the slutty gals (extras) in LimKokWing for those eye refreshing days when the scenes were getting tiresome. From bra-less tops to the shortest-shorts, it provided the perfect backdrop to the adolescent scenes. Also to more smoking up sessions at the stairwells of the Tun Razak and Taman Mayang sets. And Adrian's car was one of the best props we've ever worked with, since it could be started with just a set of folded scissors and it also had an ultra cool oscillating fan on the dashboard, which was a brilliant touch that made the scene perfect.

The Rhode Island scenes :

Thanks to Arthur, Payii, Yau and Kentaro for the good stuff, Farid for the Fifa 1998 and Tekken 2 sessions and Fahar for the clubbing and drunken scenes, especially the weird night out when 2 Malaysians sesat at a wet t shirt contest, front row and tak malu. The gaduh scene at the traffic light on the way home from clubbing at Thayer Street could have been an awesome one, but alas our senses came back to us and we decided to ditch the idea.

Thanks to Bobby the chinese restaurant cook for talking in a funny accent and blowing your top off whenever we called you names in the kitchen. You're still a babboon who cant cook for nuts.

No thanks to Mr. Boyscout who came from nowhere to Rhode Island and no thanks to Fahar who dumped him in my apartment where he spent the whole night talking while I tried to sleep in drunken stupor and ignore him.

No thanks to Farid that dragged all of us all the way to Philly with the promise of 'Hot Malaysian chicks from IRC!' and wound up with a decent nasi ayam meal, a cute pose with kittens, a weird night at a weird club (coz you didnt wear shoes!) and at least a trip to six flags after 19 hours of driving in winter and playing games through the sunroof.

Thanks to Mike Schiller and Chris for being terrible paintball coaches but cool weedsters to hang out with every weekend. At least team Naga got as far as 9th place at the New England Paintball League 1999.

A big thank you to Apai for freaking out after his first X and forced the whole crew to leave early from club Hell, only to find him dancing alone in the attic with the strobe light on 3 hours later, after claiming his first 'peak'.

The Advertising scenes (FCB)

I'd like to thank Mr. SP lee for his awkward pauses in our discussions, Mimi Mook for throwing JRs back to my face, the creative teams for accusing me of being the client's lackey and the production team that printed out my mailers in the wrong grammage. And to everyone for the drinking and party sessions

The Advertising scenes (Grey)

I'd like to thank Jeff Orr and Guan Hin for the awkward pauses in our discussions, Phelo for throwing JRs back to my face, the creative teams for accusing me of being the client's lackey and the production team that printed out my mailers in the wrong grammage. And to everyone for the drinking and party sessions. Special thanks to Kamal, Eddy, Steve, Pawan, Michael and Amos, my bros before hoes.

Special Mention

Special thanks goes out to the podium girls at Forum, Barbarran, Chinois, Nouvo and Ibiza.

And to wrap it up

To my supporting cast and crew, which includes my siblings and family, thank you for being there for the ups and downs, the highs and the lows.

And to my leading lady, I know you had to work a lot on my character development, but you gotta admit, the end result is a masterpiece.

And for my parting words, I'd like to announce that we have been working on production for the past 9 months, and will be debuting our new masterpiece in the next couple of days. She's going to be a winner, this one. Even though I've only seen the first few edits only, I'm pretty sure the finished product is going to be a beauty. This will be the start of an epic film.

Daddy can't wait to meet you for the first time, babe."