There's just one thing that you need to know about women : That there's more than just one thing you need to know about women.
Women come in all shapes and sizes. Some symmetrical, mostly abstract. Some too big, some just nice enough, some with expiry dates, some longer and some shorter than others.
They are so uniquely individual that it's hard NOT to generalise them.
Observations of Eve's army can vary between cultures and geographical locations. And by virtue of being the melting pot of South East Asia, KL girls are as categorically unique as they come.
This guide is to serve as a handy reference tool on your next birdwatching trip, and conveniently covered by specific locations and scenarios, for easy referencing.
Part A : Office Chicks
- The Powersuit. Eats trainees for breakfast and shits them back out after her morning coffee and ciggie break just so that she can piss on them at exactly 5:28pm. Comes pre-attached with backstabbing knives mostly aimed at less stylish but hardworking female managers. Loves to have power lunches at Alexis or Lemon Garden 2 Go (Shang) with higher ranking male executives and willing to stuff a cigar in her mouth just to be one of the boys. Some have been known to be willing to stuff one of the boys' cigars in her mouth as well. Mostly dressed in black and carries cellphones that slide out with a loud "clack" sound effect. and likes to talk loudly with a lit cigarette (Marlboro Menthol Lights) stuck between her fingers, attached to arms that flail around in visually trying to prove her point to the other person on the line. Chinese ones are usually named Pearly or Arianna; Malay ones Marsila or Shirene, and Indian ones Anita or Geetha. Usually calls people "babes". Tapaus nasi lemak only for her posse of female powersuits, of which they secretly harbour dark and deep plans of outstabbing each other while they chat about which podium they danced on on Heritage Row last weekend.
- The Office Slut. Easy to spot. Easy to notice. Easy. Unlike your common slut, Office Sluts are a bit more focused in the direction of their skills. Ambitious to the point that she will usually want to be on top of everything important. Has no problems in riding it hard all way to the top. Highly adaptable to office environments and are able to work in the pantry, stairwell, staff lounge, toilets and nearby hotels if required. Usually wears clothes that look like their sewn to her body. Tapaus food from nasi campur stalls when the boss' wife is around. Office sluts usually has a medical condition which only allows their body to only bend more than 45% forward when setting documents on their boss' desk. Usually named Zaza, Nana, Lala, Zoey or Shiela.
- The Lonely Accountant. Usually bespectacled and sporting a hairband, spends lonely afternoons in her cubicle of fantasizing about magically transforming herself into a vixen with the flick of her glasses and a ruffle of her hairband-less hair, transfixing the jocks in the marketing department. Deems her collection of Mills and Boon stories as the ultimate porn and always has one stashed in her locked drawer for guilty reading pleasure sessions alone with her Pandan Kaya Bun and Spritzer. Usually called Cynthia, Mabel, Zanariah or Sheetal. Ultra Visible Panty Lines under her A line skirt or carrot cut pants. Revengeful during P&L meetings at the end of the year by subtly attempting to get Powersuits fired, but mostly friendly enough to go out for lunch outings with the Office Slut, while carefully observing and taking notes for her next internet role play webcam orgy session at home.
- The Awek Admin Dah Kawin. Usually Malay. Although married, constantly speaks about her ronggeng sessions with a male 'best friend' that the husband knows about, so don't worry. Usually seen kissing her husband's hand as she is being dropped off at the office, right before sneaking out her pack of cigarettes from her secret stash and kicking off the morning gossip for the day. Cleverly adapted names such as Arinz from Nor Sarinah or Kak Jam from Jamilah. Dyed haircolor. Calls other women "nyah", "mek" or "Nok". Uses key words like "That's mean" most of the time and is the center of nearly every political plot in the office. Interestingly enough, most people will trust her with information in exchange for everyone else's information. President of the office CNN (Cibai News Network) and has carefully recorded information on every boardmember's tryst with the Powersuits and Office Sluts, which she plans to use for a rainy day.
Women come in all shapes and sizes. Some symmetrical, mostly abstract. Some too big, some just nice enough, some with expiry dates, some longer and some shorter than others.
They are so uniquely individual that it's hard NOT to generalise them.
Observations of Eve's army can vary between cultures and geographical locations. And by virtue of being the melting pot of South East Asia, KL girls are as categorically unique as they come.
This guide is to serve as a handy reference tool on your next birdwatching trip, and conveniently covered by specific locations and scenarios, for easy referencing.
Part A : Office Chicks
- The Powersuit. Eats trainees for breakfast and shits them back out after her morning coffee and ciggie break just so that she can piss on them at exactly 5:28pm. Comes pre-attached with backstabbing knives mostly aimed at less stylish but hardworking female managers. Loves to have power lunches at Alexis or Lemon Garden 2 Go (Shang) with higher ranking male executives and willing to stuff a cigar in her mouth just to be one of the boys. Some have been known to be willing to stuff one of the boys' cigars in her mouth as well. Mostly dressed in black and carries cellphones that slide out with a loud "clack" sound effect. and likes to talk loudly with a lit cigarette (Marlboro Menthol Lights) stuck between her fingers, attached to arms that flail around in visually trying to prove her point to the other person on the line. Chinese ones are usually named Pearly or Arianna; Malay ones Marsila or Shirene, and Indian ones Anita or Geetha. Usually calls people "babes". Tapaus nasi lemak only for her posse of female powersuits, of which they secretly harbour dark and deep plans of outstabbing each other while they chat about which podium they danced on on Heritage Row last weekend.
- The Office Slut. Easy to spot. Easy to notice. Easy. Unlike your common slut, Office Sluts are a bit more focused in the direction of their skills. Ambitious to the point that she will usually want to be on top of everything important. Has no problems in riding it hard all way to the top. Highly adaptable to office environments and are able to work in the pantry, stairwell, staff lounge, toilets and nearby hotels if required. Usually wears clothes that look like their sewn to her body. Tapaus food from nasi campur stalls when the boss' wife is around. Office sluts usually has a medical condition which only allows their body to only bend more than 45% forward when setting documents on their boss' desk. Usually named Zaza, Nana, Lala, Zoey or Shiela.
- The Lonely Accountant. Usually bespectacled and sporting a hairband, spends lonely afternoons in her cubicle of fantasizing about magically transforming herself into a vixen with the flick of her glasses and a ruffle of her hairband-less hair, transfixing the jocks in the marketing department. Deems her collection of Mills and Boon stories as the ultimate porn and always has one stashed in her locked drawer for guilty reading pleasure sessions alone with her Pandan Kaya Bun and Spritzer. Usually called Cynthia, Mabel, Zanariah or Sheetal. Ultra Visible Panty Lines under her A line skirt or carrot cut pants. Revengeful during P&L meetings at the end of the year by subtly attempting to get Powersuits fired, but mostly friendly enough to go out for lunch outings with the Office Slut, while carefully observing and taking notes for her next internet role play webcam orgy session at home.
- The Awek Admin Dah Kawin. Usually Malay. Although married, constantly speaks about her ronggeng sessions with a male 'best friend' that the husband knows about, so don't worry. Usually seen kissing her husband's hand as she is being dropped off at the office, right before sneaking out her pack of cigarettes from her secret stash and kicking off the morning gossip for the day. Cleverly adapted names such as Arinz from Nor Sarinah or Kak Jam from Jamilah. Dyed haircolor. Calls other women "nyah", "mek" or "Nok". Uses key words like "That's mean" most of the time and is the center of nearly every political plot in the office. Interestingly enough, most people will trust her with information in exchange for everyone else's information. President of the office CNN (Cibai News Network) and has carefully recorded information on every boardmember's tryst with the Powersuits and Office Sluts, which she plans to use for a rainy day.
1 comment:
this is hilarious. can i link this in my blog?
Post a Comment