Earth Day 2012

Happy Birthday, Mom!

While Malaysia struggles with its NEPs, NKRAs, GTPs and ETPs, China’s 5-year plan which was launched in 2011, included the KPI of controlling the weather to artificially increase rain and precipitation in China by 10% by the year 2015.

Where do we draw the line, you may think. Is it wise to tamper with the old lady? Harnessing nature’s energy was relatively OK for Mother Nature, since it’d be just like dating the nerdy kid to get your project paper submission done on time. Things like taming wild, hormonal river tides to create electricity for us, capturing solar energy to generate virtually limitless power. Yes, we certainly got that far and it was A-OK, tree-hugger certified wholesome goodness for mankind.

But what if you start screwing around with the whole system then ey? Are we worthy of nudging her over to ride shotgun while we take the stick in the driver’s seat for a while? Sure, we’ve already been screwing with the system ages ago what with plastic bags, cigarette butts, oil spills etc. But those were sort of like running around the house with a football and knocking over a vase or something. This however, the desire to control the weather, or North Korea’s nefarious plan to pull the moon out of its orbit, or even cloning. Now that’s more like an armed robbery and assault with a deadly weapon.

If Mother Nature was really a woman, we jolly well wooed her, married her and ended up pimping her for the whole neighbourhood to have a go.

But maybe that’s why we’re going through such crazy PMS-like rage in the past few decades. Hurricanes, tsunamis, volcanoes and not to mention weird stories like a pack of monkeys attacking a minister in India until he falls to his death from his balcony. Weird right? I know. She. Is. Pissed.

Since hell hath no fury such as a woman scorned, I’d be steering clear and way from her PMS induced rampage for now and the future. I could feel like she’s watching as I decide where to flick my ciggie butt to, or where I was going to put that empty can of coke, either in the dumpster or a recycling bin. Because nowadays, it’s like Mother Nature repays you back in cash, just like a pack of monkeys coming out of nowhere and literally backing you into a corner to your death.

Other interesting wraths by the old lady also includes:

·         In 1783 an Icelandic eruption threw up enough dust to temporarily block out the sun over Europe. Like one of her no-touchy-feely-until-you-know-what-you-did, mister episodes.

·         About 20 to 30 volcanoes erupt each year, mostly under the sea. Like stealthy, didn’t-know-it-until-its-too-late PMS.

·         American Roy Sullivan has been struck by lightning a record seven times. And just like foolish Roy, we still come back for more.

·         About 30% of Christmas Island is now owned by Yellow Crazy Ants, known to take up to 3 square meters of ant hill turf per day. They got there accidentally when some of the decided to hitchhike on a truck to the island. Like when she assumes total domination after getting a copy of “our” keys to the apartment.

So as we celebrate Earth Day this month, let us not only reflect on saving cute dolphins, or planting a tree with your neighborhood celebrity minister in front of the press. Let’s celebrate the true meaning of Mother Nature’s maternal instincts, and womanly fury.