Holy Crap

Ever had one of those dreams where everything was completely fucked up and you're just screaming to yourself to wake up? I usually do. The funny thing is, most of the times, you know you were dreaming.

For me - either if the scene had me alongside Indiana Jones trying to solve an ancient riddle before the cave was completely filled with water and poisonous sea snakes, or if it was me getting low,low,low,low on the dancefloor with a Beyonce lookalike booty but then pleasantly surprised with the face of Omarosa (from The Apperentice) - I always had a 50/50 emotion of utter terror that shit was going down, yet the most peaceful inner comfort that i knew it was just a dream and that sooner or later, I'd wake up.

That feeling, my friends, is like getting an anaphylactic shock while doing the horizontal lambada. Or like throwing up on the 8th round of salt-tequila-lime and knowing that after the horrible ordeal, you're set to go for no. 9.

That's why we probably enjoy The Grudge (1 and 2) or Final Destination (1,2 and killer No. 3!), Knowing the fact that after shamelessly gripping your girlfriend's thighs and squealing every 7 minutes under your own fag-breath, you can safely walk out of the cinema and tell yourself that it was a good movie. But most importantly, that it was a movie.

But sometimes, you come face to face with a situation in real life that makes you wonder, or wish, that it too, was a dream. And you wait and wait and wait for that "Ah-ha!" moment just like the one in your dream (as you strangle one poisonous snake with your left hand while helping Indy fit another Aztec stone to solve the deadly riddle with your right hand) when you sheepishly smile in your sleep and say to yourself "It's just a dream! Ah hahahahahahahaha" - But that moment never comes.

And the longer you wait, the more sea snakes come hissing your way. And you know Indy can't perform when snakes are involved.

No Dorothy shoes to click, no Ziggy (from Quantum Leap by the way) to consult, and no Doraemon to pull a magic door from his magic pocket.

Shit.

But hey, look at the bigger picture. Our whole life in existence could just be one big dream. 'Cause life doesn't begin at 40 or 50 apparently. It begins in the afterlife.

Good luck to you on this one.