I came, I saw, I conquered.

I don’t eat my food. I devour it. I destroyed a perfectly arranged lasagna at Alexis 2 days ago. Prior to that, I obliterated a row of lemangs. Just tonight I raped and pillaged a cluster of broiled beef ribs, mac & cheese and mashed potatoes.

Probably it was just me shaking off the fasting month vibe. The month of Eid is shaping up to be a vicious vendetta against our all too frail souls.

If the month of Ramadhan was when Muslims crushd their worldly indulgences, the month of Eid is when Malaysians gather and show the world around them what indulgence really looks like.

If during the fasting month we observe the gratitude of the abundance of food we are blessed with, in the month of Eid we celebrate that triumph by staging what could rival a world food programme warehouse in the guise of our “open house”

And hence my past weekends have been a series of plundering and destruction. My fork and spoons were my weapons, sometimes cold steel, sometimes flimsy white plastic. Plates and bowls end up being a bloody battleground, most times with horrible remnants of what looked like a massacre of biblical proportions.

Like a despot general, I build and annihilate. Like crafting the perfect bomb with megatons of explosive power, so was my focus in crafting the perfect ABC (much to the annoyance of young freelance catering waiters) before destroying it in an avalanche of slush and slurpiness.
In the heat of the season’s tantric homage to food, even a quiet dinner for two turned out to be the French inquisition for my Gambretta (with add-on topping of anchovies!) pizza. Three quarters of the way into the ordeal, I could swear it was begging me for penance. Before I doused a final splash of fiery Tabasco liquid on it and tore it limb from limb.

For the sake of our cholesterol and sugar levels, I pray this month goes by as quickly as it arrived. Not because I’ve lost the meaning of Eid. But because I fear we’re all starting to interpret things in our own quirky, misguided way, as usual. Being Malaysian, we tend to romanticize the wrong things. And then get overboard doing it.

Like that politician that had a mild coronary at a “kambing and durian” makan event. I mean, come on?! Kambing AND Durian????

Happy open housing folks….at least they now launched the new “Halia” flavoured Eno!