Belated 2010 Resolutions

Hi 2010. Sorry it took so long to submit my KPIs for this year. Hardly noticed you already arrived, since 2009 was still bumming around, ranting about his ROIs.

I thought I'd be a bit smart this year by setting multiple resolutions and rate myself based on percentages at the end of the year. This way, I can console myself with an alphabetical rating evaluation system.

So here goes.

For 2010, I will:

1. Stop procrastinating by 2nd quarter of the year.

2. Learn how to crunk

3. Minimise asking stupid questions like "Are you asleep?" by 5%

4. Research on why African American women like to dance while trying to check out their own ass simultaneously

5. Grow some balls and smoke with the windows open while driving along Karak Highway after 11pm

6. Not sing along to Taylor Swift songs

7. Stop trying to search for famous porn stars on Facebook and try to add them as a friend

8. Not succumb to Kent when they don't sell Dunhill Lights

9. Try to remember jokes

10. Not type words like "huhuhu" or "kuikuikui" or "ahaks" on any social networking site status, comments or photo description

11. Only order lauk for "3 orang" even if there are "5 orang" at the table

12. Stop wondering why some older women have a paunch right below their belly button area

13. Shake MeMeLaLa's milk bottle thoroughly so that ALL the powder is diluted. Even if I'm half asleep at 4am

14. Stop watching horror movies on DVD in hotel rooms when I can't sleep

15. Try to save up for : A Slurpee machine, and a McFlurry machine

16. Try to find a lamp, rub it, have a genie come out, and wish for pants with magic pockets that will always have a lighter in them

17. Stop asking myself how those ugly dudes scored those cute chicks

18. Trim. And keep them trimmed.

19. Stop wishing Claire Danes never grew thinner, and forever remained at that balcony with wings attached to her back

20. Stop singing back up to S Club 7's Never Had A Wish Come True e.g. "I never had the words to say (never haaaddd the words to say)"

21. Not flex my biceps while brushing my teeth

22. Not be too lazy to sabun my ankles and feet while bathing

23. Stop playing solitaire while taking a dump

24. Find new carik makan songs to sing to when out with clients for Karaoke.

25. Learn the names of Malay female celebrities

26. Find out how to actually pronounce the word "cajole"

27. Learn how to write using the pen that 'twists out' without twisting it back in while writing

28. Stop being suckered into opening motivational slides in powepoint slide show format forwarded by well intentioned friends, colleagues and families, hoping it was a cover-up attachment for some juicy celeb porn

29. Download ICQ and open 2 accounts and message myself so that I can listen to that familar "uh-oh" sound again.

30. Find and kill the evil troll that keeps making holes in my socks

31. Eat the timuns in all my nasi lemaks

There. I think those are pretty realistic goals for the year.

Good luck with yours, peeps.